This has been on my mind long before the the #metoo phase - what got me started thinking about it was a post from someone I respect very much. The post was a very well worded admonishment to girls and women to dress modestly because to dress immodestly is to cause men to sin (not to mention, God isn't gonna be real happy with how you dress that temple). That it's our duty to not lead people to sin. Leading others to sin is sin, as well. I agree - we should do every thing we can to keep from leading others down that wide path, that path is so smooth and easy to travel.
However, I take some exception to these constant admonishments to girls and women to dress modestly. It's not that I think we should be allowed to dress as immodestly as we want - no, really, I believe in modesty. Our bodies are our most precious treasure - well, it's really our only true treasure. We should take care of it - and keep it under control. What bothers me are the implications not said in the modesty lectures.
First, who is deciding what is modest and immodest? Men. Yep, when a man looks at a women and is immediately sent off in a fantasy of wanton behavior with that woman - you can believe it's the woman's manner of attire that caused it. But wait, did you say you have a thing for women's feet and seeing them in sandals is your big turn on? Or...you love big blue eyes - just bat them once and you have gone to your happy playboy place? And oh, that long blond hair, don't you just want to grab it and drag her to your cave and assault her? Or perhaps you are oddly different, you've always wanted to be swallowed whole by a woman and journey through her body, so when she puts that forkful of roast beef in her mouth, all you can think about is how much you want to be that beef and soon your mind and your body is out of control. Yeah, I think I'm making a point here that should be easy to grasp. We women are really at the mercy and whim of men's imaginations. What is modest to one man may be very immodest to another. And we might as well, cover up our feet, faces, and hair while we are at it - if we are suppose to dress in a manner that does not attract men. Why are we women constantly under scrutiny and judgment about dressing indecently and attracting unwanted attention? How can we possibly know how every man thinks?
How about instead we spend more time telling men this: Men, you must learn that you have no right to put us in the center of your fantasies without our will. You need to understand - the problem is that you have no willpower - not women. So let's work on your will power and how you think of women as chattel and sex objects, not the way you dress or we dress.
What would work, do you think? My suggestion: Mothers could tell their son's that no matter how other people dress - it doesn't give them right to think that person wants to be the object of their sexual fantasies. And it definitely, doesn't mean they have the right to sexually assault women.
We think men know this because we are always telling the women this - but do we really tell men? We spend way, way, way too much time analyzing women's behavior and what they could have done to prevent being in an awkward situation. Ironically, who didn't grow up thinking men were supposed to be our protectors? That we were weak and they were strong? So what went wrong?
It's this constant assessing and judging of women - telling them what constitutes appropriate behavior, dress, location, speech and anything else that might give men the wrong idea. It's so obvious. We should be telling men - don't get the wrong idea - ever. Simple. Here's another good one, Men, when you are at that frat party and you are drinking too much, you should be looking out for the others who are weaker than you, not ignoring what is going on, or participating.
Years ago, I went to a party at the officer's club in Turkey. While it was primarily American's, there were a few Turkish hanger-ons. I went with my friend, Debbie. She promised if I had too much too drink she would look out for me - and vice versa. I had on a cute little dress - not immodest by most standards but I sure felt "hot" in it. I had a great time, dancing, playing pool, I am a social butterfly and flitted around and around and everyone bought me drinks until I had way too much. You know, I wound up in a closet for awhile half passed out. Just trying to recover. When I finally pulled it together, I came out and almost everyone was gone from the party - and there was Adam (his real name was Etham but he Americanized his name to fit in). Not really sure what Adam's real job was but he always seemed to be at parties, and on tours with us. I think he was a tour guide, who knows. I asked him if he had seen my friend Debbie, who he also knew, and he said yes, and guided me out of the club and somewhere across the street, not sure exactly where. I was completely oblivious and trusting of Adam. As soon as we got inside, instead of turning on a light, he knocked me to the floor and started tearing off my dress and pantyhose, muttering all the while, "you know you want it". I was so drunk - I simply did not respond. I remember trying to push him off of me but having no impact what-so-ever. I remember not screaming? Why? I was just that drunk. I remember rolling my legs around trying to twist away but I wasn't successful. Later, I got out on my own, found my car and drove myself home - still very drunk. I didn't care at this point if I got a DUI in Turkey. I didn't care if getting arrested in Turkey meant I could spend time at the Kerahani (jail for women where they work off their time as prostitutes). I just wanted to go home and feel safe. The next day, I called Debbie or maybe she called me and we talked about the night before - she asked me where I had disappeared - she thought maybe I had taken a cab home. I told her. She was in utter shock and horrified that she had left me in the clutches of that creep. It wasn't her fault, really. She did her duty. She didn't see me for the longest time - and this was before the time of cell phones. She wanted me to report Adam to authorities. I refused. She was livid with me. How could I let this monster continue to prey on other women. My only defense was that other women probably weren't as dumb as I was - getting so drunk and being alone when I should not have been. She kept insisting it wasn't my fault. I kept insisting I didn't want to go through what I knew would be my own reputation on trial. I would hear things like - are you angry with this man and want to get even with him? Is that why you made up this story? Don't you think maybe you led him on? Why didn't you fight harder? Is it true you were flirting with everyone at the party? You are not a delicate petite female, why couldn't you push him off? What were you doing getting so drunk in the first place? Why did you wear that dress when you know how Turkish men feel about American women? And on and on and on. At the time - I didn't have many answers - mostly just guilt and maybe I agreed. I deserved it - I had acted awful.
The #metoo movement took a big chunk of the media's time. I heard many people (men) say things like, this is just women getting revenge. Or, why did they wait so long? I heard a lot of people say things like they probably agreed at first and then changed their mind. What I heard over and over again were excuses for why the women were wrong for "telling" on the men. What I never heard once was - why so many men think it was ok to do this? Even in this time of political correctness - sexual harassment has a way of thinking it's exempt from scrutiny and censor.
And now this business of a politician and a woman who came forward after remaining quiet so many years. There have been allegations of a book deal and self-interest in promotion or politics for herself. Ok, that maybe true. But what I've been hearing most of all - is that she has no right to come out and talk about something that happened 30 years ago. And worst of all, only women who want to stir up trouble (liberals - the opposite political party in this case - next time it will be the other way around, I'm sure) will use something from 30 years ago. And what was she doing at that frat party in the first place, she probably asked for it. This TERRIFIES me - especially because a lot of women are saying this. Really? We are hearing this current story about 2 people where one was a woman who claims she was attacked years ago by the other and making it seem as though it's her fault for waiting too long. Or that it's unbelievable because she waited too long. In either case, what does that say to someone like me? Someone in the exact same situation? That it no longer counts?
Wait, does that mean we should not believe the men who came out 20-30 years later and informed on their priests who abused them when they were boys? Are these men just bringing up some old history for the sake of ruining the priests lives, are they selfish, also, then?
I don't care if this woman is telling the truth or not - what I care about is the way people are going about attacking her actions. We are telling every woman in the world that what happened to them 30 years ago is invalid. Sorry, but what happened to me in Turkey is one of my strongest memories. It's as valid as anything else that has happened to me and has shaped who I am today. It is not the only thing that has shaped me but it was significant. Now I am ashamed of myself for falling for those dumb excuses that only men seem to come up with - that I was asking for it, that I dressed for it, that I put myself in the situation, that I deserved it. NO ONE EVER DESERVES TO HAVE THEIR BODIES VIOLATED AGAINST THEIR WILL. This is a law that will never change.
And until people walk a mile in my shoes or in the shoes of others who have been violated - I would ask that you stop giving your opinion on whether or not a woman deserves to tell her story, to be assaulted, or to otherwise find her guilty of something she did not want nor do.
I also hear women (and men) now talking about the possibility of their sons, brothers, male friends could be brought up on sexual assault charges anytime a woman feels like getting revenge - and everyone has to take the woman's word for it - whether it's true or not. Don't you think if someone woman is plotting revenge on your man - that maybe, just maybe...he might have already played some role or reason in why this woman is angry? Otherwise, maybe you need to do a better job of raising your male family members. Stop telling them that woman should not be assaulted if they are dressed immodestly. Instead, tell them women should never be assaulted - period. In fact, no one should ever be sexually assaulted. It is wrong, wrong, wrong, to sexually assault anyone against their will. Their is no "asking for it". And their role in life is to protect anyone in need of it (weaker than them), not ignore them or take advantage of them. And once we get that through men's heads we won't even have to tell women to stop dressing immodestly for their own safety and stop going to parties for their own safety. And more than likely, there won't be women out there making up stories about men for revenge.
And please, I don't want anyone getting on here and telling me about the men who get assaulted by women. Of course, they are included - however, I just will not and cannot believe the numbers are anywhere near close to what happens to women - and it probably hasn't been happening since time immemorial. Besides, that does not justify women getting sexually assaulted, either.
Saturday, September 29, 2018
Saturday, September 22, 2018
Facebook Marketplace was ruined from the moment it started.
I am convinced people who sell on Facebook are not trying to sell anything. Why?
The sellers can not be bothered to edit the original sale post - instead they spew new sale post after sale post with edits - none of the previous ones are marked “sold”. And while I’m on that topic - they do not bother to mark items sold - so their things continue to appear in other buyers searches. Please don’t ask me why Facebook is so slow - Facebook can’t keep up with the traffic of useless garbage that flows on their information highway - they are probably busy making money from their advertising to buy up more bandwidth and cloud storage to keep up with the ridiculous demand. Recycle people, recycle, it’s better for the earth (and my blood pressure).
They start the posts with - must sell today - or must pick up today - or some other impossible short notice that can’t possibly attract good buyers - only impulse buyers who are also likely to not show up and purchase the item. Yeah, that’s right - buyers aren’t serious about buying because the seller didn’t take the sale post seriously.
I probably shouldn’t start in on the rampant misspellings - I get an occasional use of incorrect homophones, hitting a numbers key instead of a letter - but surely running a spellcheck is worth the extra 2 seconds it takes so the item is sure to sell - it would just make the seller look so much more well capable of taking care of things?
They get really huffy if you try to offer (they are friendly, I swear!!!) suggestions on how to use the marketplace app - apparently they prefer to look dumb rather than have to admit they might be wrong or uninformed.
I’m sure I have more details to share about sellers on Facebook - but my point is this - why use an app - and not bother to learn how to use it? Claiming you don’t know how to do these things is no excuse for this ridiculous behavior. Imagine if you told the cops that the reason why you were speeding was because you never bothered to take drivers ed and don’t know what the signs mean?
For my friends who read this and think I am talking about them - I swear I am not - but I do want you to know it is my absolute pleasure to help with any snags you have - any problems. It's the only thing I do really well - and I like to make people happy. Honest, no other intentions or hard feelings coat my offers of help. I genuinely get distressed at your distress and only think of how I can help. If I've seem rude in the past - I want to right now tell you that I am very sorry that you felt that way - it was never my intention to be rude - only short and simple - to make sense. After all look how long this blog is - I know of my undesirable trait to write/talk too much. I've been around the earth a few turns - I got this, ok?
Sunday, September 2, 2018
Yeah, right. You are always right...
Once again, I find myself in the infuriating position of defending myself only to find out it doesn't matter - I should never talk to a customer like that.
How long must I continue to endure everything from incredible acts of rampant discrimination, "I need to speak to a technician not you" to the more subtle ones - where I'm held to a different standard and if I once let that standard slip...Oh, boy...
I am not alone, yet, I am alone. So many women go through this but really the public, the majority (the white men) are still not accepting or acknowledging this. Oh, I know it's not all the men out there. Sometimes, it's even women!!! But there are far too many white men in power to ever let this situation change. Let me share a few articles with you:
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/04/why-is-silicon-valley-so-awful-to-women/517788/
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/08/style/ellen-pao-gender-discrimination-silicon-valley-reset.html
I wish I could read more articles like this. Instead, I find men commenting on articles about women being discriminated against — and what do they say? "The wage gap is a myth." Wow. Really. Is this the best you have? Discrimination exists — the reason why it’s so hard to prove is because of exactly what is said in these articles.
I work at a large company that supports other large companies. You name the large company — we’ve done work for them. My first 2.5 years working for them was to go to new sites and “commission” equipment with the software. I was constantly humiliated by either my own fellow employees or the customer’s. All of which are male dominated — in mine, it’s because it’s technology, on the customer side, it’s because it’s logistics and warehouse.
Long story shortened, it wasn’t working out and I wound up working on the Customer Support side. I loved it. Never have I worked with such a supporting group of men. I don’t know what I did right to get their respect and affection — but whatever it was — I actually don’t think I was doing anything different — you know? I refused to change who I am.
(p.s. one of the reasons I am able to recognize all the bias is because I have experienced non-bias. When I joined the USAF: I knew nothing — I was a small town girl — just 18 years old. I was pushed, encouraged, coached, mentored and I don’t know what all else to do things I didn’t think I could do — in short, I was amazing. I loved my time in the service. I foolishly got out at 14 years because the man I married didn’t want to be a dependent spouse. How wrong I was to marry him.)
Back to the story — now I get humiliated all the time on the phone and this is one area where most of the guys are not as supportive — they claim it’s because I don’t show enough confidence or that I’m just imagining it. It is what it is.
So last week, I had taken all the abuse I was going to take — a manager of one of the sites I had been emailing to for support rebuked me for being “unprofessional”.
I had said in a reply: “Lastname, I’ve given you my findings, I’ll have to ask SoftwareDeveloper tomorrow.”
I addressed the guy by his last name because, yeah, he was getting on my nerves calling me by my last name, while calling my other co-worker by his first name. He also got on my nerves because he responded to a lengthy email I sent (my findings) within almost a minute after I sent it. No way did he read it. And he said, “Linden, like I told you…” so yeah, my response was curt — but I don’t know if it qualifies for a public tongue lashing from his manager.
Not only did the manager send that email to all my co-workers, he added several people way, way, way above me. In short, he did not use the chain of command.
I saw red — crimson vermillion carmine RED. I wrote back to the manager and the manager alone. I apologized to him and said I was sorry that he thought I was being unprofessional but that he had maybe read too much in my email. And that he didn’t know me well enough to know my intent.
That should have been enough but the red curtain had not lifted. I also asked the manager if he had skipped management 101 while he was in college because surely they still teach that when you rebuke an employee — you don’t do it in front of their peers and you start with the persons manager not the director — several levels above. Then I went on to say that I felt his real problem was not that he didn’t know professional when he saw it, and not that he didn’t know how to manage but that he was personally upset because I am a woman.
It was a CLM, as my friend, Jerry used to say. Career limiting move. I didn’t not care at the time. Not only did I click the send button. But I decided as one last stab — I would forward my email to the director he sent his complaint to — and I said, “Oh, Whoops, I should have included you on this email — you’ll hear about it soon enough.”
Needless to say, my boss talked to me — and for the most part he was in agreement that I was not imagining things — however — this customer was flaming angry at me now — and the director it was sent to was also flaming angry at me — how dare some pissant woman talk to him like that, right? He escalated it up to the CEO of the north America branch.
I’m still waiting to hear what will happen next.
Bear in mind there is a lot more to my own story — such as my inability to keep my temper in check may or may not stem from my diagnosed condition of PTSD and depression. That I had lost my most wonderful therapy dog this past April and I still couldn’t think about it without crying. My boss also knew this.
Now here is the real kicker to the whole story. I can’t really prove any of that right? That maybe he was right and I was unprofessional, right? Well, just a few days prior — I had engaged with a huge, huge, huge customer (bigger than this one) and the issue was elusive. I finally decided to engage another co-worker because his expertise was in another area that I thought might need some digging at. When I called him — I put our customer on mute and then hold. I told him that the customer was getting anxious and annoyed with me and was joking around and saying “they hate me”. Well, 'chivalrously' he said, "I’ll cuss them out." And then gave me a demonstration. Pretty sure he used every swear word in the book. I laughed as he meant for me to laugh. And then I said, Ok time to talk. Only he didn’t hear me — and started giving me part 2 of his cussing out, except I had added him to the conference call and I was still on mute so I couldn’t interrupt him to stop him from the crazy talk. I tried to hang up on the customer put them back on hold anything…too late. They said nothing. They acted like it didn’t happen. I wasn’t even sure if they heard. But they heard. They called his boss — his boss called him that night. And gave him whatfor and told him we were idiots for playing around on the phone. Boss was right about that…:-) but nevertheless…
Here is my point. The customer did not escalate this to the CEO of the north America branch like my customer did with me. Oh, yes, sure rationalize all you want to — try to make sense of it — the truth is — I should not have sent that email if I wanted to keep my job and keep the customer; but I was 100% right. And it’s been like this since I left the Air Force. And that is one of the ways I know there is discrimination. Because I have something to which to compare this treatment.
Not long ago, I was reading about another woman who underwent the same type of treatment. I cannot for the life of me think of her name — but she sued the company and lost. Listen to her story and it’s the same one. She was held to a different standard than the other men, and of course, the standard was so much higher she could not meet it. Just like I can’t.
I’ve been working in technology since 1989 — since about 2009 — I have lost all interest in it and want nothing more than to get out of it — but the job market isn’t interested in a middle-aged woman with the only job skills that are current is in IT.
Now I’m practically elderly by IT standards — I hit 58 in few days. I just long for the day I can collect SS and stop doing this. Gentlemen, Mission accomplished. You have proven I am not right for the job. Go figure…
How long must I continue to endure everything from incredible acts of rampant discrimination, "I need to speak to a technician not you" to the more subtle ones - where I'm held to a different standard and if I once let that standard slip...Oh, boy...
I am not alone, yet, I am alone. So many women go through this but really the public, the majority (the white men) are still not accepting or acknowledging this. Oh, I know it's not all the men out there. Sometimes, it's even women!!! But there are far too many white men in power to ever let this situation change. Let me share a few articles with you:
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/04/why-is-silicon-valley-so-awful-to-women/517788/
https://medium.com/the-mission/i-thought-discrimination-against-women-in-tech-was-bull-shit-then-it-happened-to-my-wife-c4cf434e72bd
"...described a kind of gaslighting: They find themselves in enviably modern workspaces, surrounded by right-thinking colleagues and much talk of meritocracy, yet feel disparaged in ways that are hard to articulate, let alone prove."
"The real reason we’re a long way from solving the problem of discrimination against women in tech is many men like me don’t want to believe it’s happening."
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/08/style/ellen-pao-gender-discrimination-silicon-valley-reset.html
"In written evaluations and performance reviews Ms. Pao was given high ratings, yet she was passed over for a senior-level promotion. She was criticized both for being too passive but also too pushy; for not speaking up enough but also being too opinionated."Been there...done that!
I wish I could read more articles like this. Instead, I find men commenting on articles about women being discriminated against — and what do they say? "The wage gap is a myth." Wow. Really. Is this the best you have? Discrimination exists — the reason why it’s so hard to prove is because of exactly what is said in these articles.
I work at a large company that supports other large companies. You name the large company — we’ve done work for them. My first 2.5 years working for them was to go to new sites and “commission” equipment with the software. I was constantly humiliated by either my own fellow employees or the customer’s. All of which are male dominated — in mine, it’s because it’s technology, on the customer side, it’s because it’s logistics and warehouse.
Long story shortened, it wasn’t working out and I wound up working on the Customer Support side. I loved it. Never have I worked with such a supporting group of men. I don’t know what I did right to get their respect and affection — but whatever it was — I actually don’t think I was doing anything different — you know? I refused to change who I am.
(p.s. one of the reasons I am able to recognize all the bias is because I have experienced non-bias. When I joined the USAF: I knew nothing — I was a small town girl — just 18 years old. I was pushed, encouraged, coached, mentored and I don’t know what all else to do things I didn’t think I could do — in short, I was amazing. I loved my time in the service. I foolishly got out at 14 years because the man I married didn’t want to be a dependent spouse. How wrong I was to marry him.)
Back to the story — now I get humiliated all the time on the phone and this is one area where most of the guys are not as supportive — they claim it’s because I don’t show enough confidence or that I’m just imagining it. It is what it is.
So last week, I had taken all the abuse I was going to take — a manager of one of the sites I had been emailing to for support rebuked me for being “unprofessional”.
I had said in a reply: “Lastname, I’ve given you my findings, I’ll have to ask SoftwareDeveloper tomorrow.”
I addressed the guy by his last name because, yeah, he was getting on my nerves calling me by my last name, while calling my other co-worker by his first name. He also got on my nerves because he responded to a lengthy email I sent (my findings) within almost a minute after I sent it. No way did he read it. And he said, “Linden, like I told you…” so yeah, my response was curt — but I don’t know if it qualifies for a public tongue lashing from his manager.
Not only did the manager send that email to all my co-workers, he added several people way, way, way above me. In short, he did not use the chain of command.
I saw red — crimson vermillion carmine RED. I wrote back to the manager and the manager alone. I apologized to him and said I was sorry that he thought I was being unprofessional but that he had maybe read too much in my email. And that he didn’t know me well enough to know my intent.
That should have been enough but the red curtain had not lifted. I also asked the manager if he had skipped management 101 while he was in college because surely they still teach that when you rebuke an employee — you don’t do it in front of their peers and you start with the persons manager not the director — several levels above. Then I went on to say that I felt his real problem was not that he didn’t know professional when he saw it, and not that he didn’t know how to manage but that he was personally upset because I am a woman.
It was a CLM, as my friend, Jerry used to say. Career limiting move. I didn’t not care at the time. Not only did I click the send button. But I decided as one last stab — I would forward my email to the director he sent his complaint to — and I said, “Oh, Whoops, I should have included you on this email — you’ll hear about it soon enough.”
Needless to say, my boss talked to me — and for the most part he was in agreement that I was not imagining things — however — this customer was flaming angry at me now — and the director it was sent to was also flaming angry at me — how dare some pissant woman talk to him like that, right? He escalated it up to the CEO of the north America branch.
I’m still waiting to hear what will happen next.
Bear in mind there is a lot more to my own story — such as my inability to keep my temper in check may or may not stem from my diagnosed condition of PTSD and depression. That I had lost my most wonderful therapy dog this past April and I still couldn’t think about it without crying. My boss also knew this.
Now here is the real kicker to the whole story. I can’t really prove any of that right? That maybe he was right and I was unprofessional, right? Well, just a few days prior — I had engaged with a huge, huge, huge customer (bigger than this one) and the issue was elusive. I finally decided to engage another co-worker because his expertise was in another area that I thought might need some digging at. When I called him — I put our customer on mute and then hold. I told him that the customer was getting anxious and annoyed with me and was joking around and saying “they hate me”. Well, 'chivalrously' he said, "I’ll cuss them out." And then gave me a demonstration. Pretty sure he used every swear word in the book. I laughed as he meant for me to laugh. And then I said, Ok time to talk. Only he didn’t hear me — and started giving me part 2 of his cussing out, except I had added him to the conference call and I was still on mute so I couldn’t interrupt him to stop him from the crazy talk. I tried to hang up on the customer put them back on hold anything…too late. They said nothing. They acted like it didn’t happen. I wasn’t even sure if they heard. But they heard. They called his boss — his boss called him that night. And gave him whatfor and told him we were idiots for playing around on the phone. Boss was right about that…:-) but nevertheless…
Here is my point. The customer did not escalate this to the CEO of the north America branch like my customer did with me. Oh, yes, sure rationalize all you want to — try to make sense of it — the truth is — I should not have sent that email if I wanted to keep my job and keep the customer; but I was 100% right. And it’s been like this since I left the Air Force. And that is one of the ways I know there is discrimination. Because I have something to which to compare this treatment.
Not long ago, I was reading about another woman who underwent the same type of treatment. I cannot for the life of me think of her name — but she sued the company and lost. Listen to her story and it’s the same one. She was held to a different standard than the other men, and of course, the standard was so much higher she could not meet it. Just like I can’t.
I’ve been working in technology since 1989 — since about 2009 — I have lost all interest in it and want nothing more than to get out of it — but the job market isn’t interested in a middle-aged woman with the only job skills that are current is in IT.
Now I’m practically elderly by IT standards — I hit 58 in few days. I just long for the day I can collect SS and stop doing this. Gentlemen, Mission accomplished. You have proven I am not right for the job. Go figure…
Monday, May 28, 2018
Dear Wynne, I'm 30
Dear Wynne,
Why is it wrong for a 30-year-old to have a crush on a 15-year-old?Signed,
30 going on 15
Dear 15,
Oh, absolutely it is wrong. The 30 year old is not ready for a relationship (friendship, dating, or sex) if the 30 year old is crushing on a 15 year old. I suggest the 30 year old work on developing maturity. There is no reason on this green earth a 30 year should have anything in common with a 15 year old - unless the 30 year old never bothered to grow up - or the 30 year old only bases a relationship on physical attributes. If it’s physical attributes - well, that’s all part of growing up and maturity - you’ll find out by about age 22-26 that it’s not all about the body - that a mind is something that can be sexy, too. In this day and age of ready information, this should not even be a question. But you are asking it which means you understand it's wrong. Leave the 15 year old alone.Cordially,
Wynne
Dear Wynne, I'm 16
Dear Wynne,
I’m a 16-year-old girl, and I’m planning on running away and becoming emancipated. How can I get my parents to kick me out?
Signed 16 going on 21
Dear 16,
The way you worded your question tells me you really have not given it much thought and are not prepared. You cannot both runaway and get kicked out. It’s one or the other. If you runaway - you will not automatically become emancipated. If your parents kick you out - you more than likely could become emancipated but if they kick you out - I’m going to go out on a limb here - and say - they will only kick you out if you do something really awful. And then they will kick you out without resources. The courts that will consider you for official emancipation will say, Nope, you can’t take care of your self - and you are still immature enough to do this XXXXXX that caused your parents to kick you out. We are going to place you in foster homes. The only way to become emancipated is by being emotionally secure and mature. That means talking to your parents and giving them good reasons to agree to allow you to become emancipated. If you do that - then it should be a no brainer to become emancipated. The other ways are to become insanely rich and show that your parents are stealing you blind. Or as some have suggested - show that your parents are endangering your life - but even then - emancipation isn’t a guarantee - you could be placed in a foster home if the court does not see any signs of your ability to support yourself and behave like an adult.
Cordially,
Wynne
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
Social Media
I was asked to answer this question on Quora and did so in a
matter of moments – it was an easy question for me. After I did – I suddenly
realized how profoundly this situation bothered me. And, also, that I had finally
been able to quantify what it is about the constant stream of VISUALS pictures
and videos that I see on Facebook (social media) in particular. I remember a
time, when the pictures were tiny, thumbnails almost. Then Google+ came out and
their pictures were – well, it seemed to me – GINORMOUS and frankly garish! Facebook
not to be outdone – soon made their updates and suddenly the newsfeed was no
longer a newsfeed – it was instead a cartoon strip. People were no longer writing
to each other – instead they were posting funny meme’s about how they didn’t
have time to write but this picture oughta do it! And I started seeing it in
sales, too. No written descriptions, just pictures. How is a person like me,
used to searching and comparing going to find these items if there are no words
of descriptions (and don’t say photo searching – most people need to learn how to
crop before I go this route.)
Here is the one negative trend I see that was first shaped by cell phones and now is being finely honed by social media. It’s 2 parts:
What is one negative trend in society caused by the emerging usage of social media?
Perhaps, the negative trend I’m about to mention is only negative to me. I won’t mention the other issues that have already been covered - such as withdrawing from real encounters with people. Having friends, you cannot interact with, etc.
Here is the one negative trend I see that was first shaped by cell phones and now is being finely honed by social media. It’s 2 parts:
1. Cell phone users/Social Media users (in the extreme) do not have the patience to wait for an answer. Furthermore, they seem to think that it’s normal to expect answers immediately. It doesn’t matter if they are expecting an answer from their spouse, who is currently on duty as a military soldier during a battle and, well, gosh, doesn’t really have time for a text message; or that they are expecting an answer from their BFF, who is currently at work and not supposed to be using her cell phone on the sales floor. The expected answer should come now! And if it doesn’t…what does that mean to them? Is spouse cheating? Is BFF out with a new friend?
2. In addition to the rudeness in expectations - they expect the answer to be short -- readable in 3 seconds or less. This means your response must either be A. all abbreviations B. a picture or C. a video. So, in some ways, this second part is just an extension of the first part because: Impatience - these impatient people do not want to read lengthy replies that’s too much work and it takes too long. They want an answer that takes only a second or two to absorb. We all know that those short text often leads to misunderstandings. The misunderstandings are a fallout communications issue separate from this “constant and immediate” need thing.
I would like to offer advice to everyone - stop checking on people 10 times a day. Limit your checks to your children (and even then, do not check on them when they are in school – you are encouraging them to use their cell phones and not focus on education) or elderly frail parents only. The checks do not mean you love the other person and are concerned for their welfare – I simply do not buy that - the checks mean you are bored, suspicious, and disrespectful of the other person’s time away from you, and cannot wait until the end of the day to have a conversation with them.
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