The easiest death of all - poverty.

In great expectation I moved to Paducah, KY to be closer to family, history and the weather I was meant to live in - none of that 9 months of winter ever again.

Excitedly, I spent my first few months here combing through local libraries and county courthouses to fill in some of my family historical records. Trying to learn about my origins. One of the places, I was led to was the small town of Cairo, Illinois. I could not wait. It was a city I had been curious about, along with Karnak, Illinois. Karnak is the actual birthplace of my father. Southern cities named after places in Egypt had me intrigued. As it turns out, the name has little bearing on what I discovered about Cairo, Illinois. It's a complicated story - but I believe this story also underscores the very real existence of class, race and poverty in America. It also explains a lot about how one person can grow up in poverty and overcome the adversity that poverty gave him and yet another person will never move past that state because of living in place like Cairo, Illinois.

This is what I saw when I first met with Cairo, Illinois.

All of the above pictures have been resized to fit and are high resolution. If you can't see them well, then please download them and enlarge them - they are a shock and worth looking at. I only captured a few. If you Google Cairo, Illinois you'll find many more and here are the first hits of my googling:

Abandoned Town of Cairo, Illinois – Cairo, Illinois - Atlas Obscura

https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/cairo-illinois

Cairo, Illinois - Death by Racism - Legends of America

https://www.legendsofamerica.com/il-cairo.html

The sad story of Cairo, Illinois' abandoned downtown | Roadtrippers

https://roadtrippers.com/stories/the-sad-story-of-cairo-illinois-abandoned-downtown

Cairo, Illinois: America's Forgotten City - Antique Archaeology

www.antiquearchaeology.com/blog/cairo-illinois-americas-forgotten-city/

This Town Was Already On Life Support. Now Cairo, Ill., Finds Itself On ...

https://www.npr.org/.../saving-cairo-a-once-thriving-river-town-finds-itself-on-life-supp...

Cairo, Illinois - Abandoned by Sherman Cahal

abandonedonline.net/cairo-illinois

What the hell happened to Cairo, Illinois? : AskReddit

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/.../what_the_hell_happened_to_cairo_illinois/

Creepy photos show abandoned town of Cairo, Illinois years after ...

www.sfgate.com/news/article/Abandoned-town-Cairo-Illinois-photos-9190935.php

Historic Illinois town tilts toward extinction amid public ... - USA Today

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/05/19/...cairo-illinois/101858928/

As several articles have pointed out - a once thriving city is all but dead. Only the hapless remain, people who still live in denial or don't have the means to get out. I called them hapless but they are also helpless. These are the kind of people who grew up in this town and know no other life. These people have no good examples to look up to - even the little bit of help they should have gotten was swindled away from them.

Ex-housing execs in Illinois face federal fraud complaint

By - Associated Press - Tuesday, November 28, 2017

CAIRO, Ill. (AP) - The U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development announced Tuesday it has filed a fraud complaint against two former officials of a troubled southern Illinois housing authority.

HUD is seeking 125 civil penalties against Wilson and Franklin totaling $720,000 and another $188,000 in assessments based upon false claims the two made with respect to funds provided by HUD.

“Every dollar misspent on personal travel and other expenses is a dollar that could support the individuals and families we serve,” said HUD Associate General Counsel Dane Narode. “Taxpayers deserve to know that the public programs they support are helping to meet the needs of the many, not the few.”

The complaint against former Alexander County Housing Authority executive directors James Wilson and Martha Franklin accuses them of using public housing money for personal use. HUD says Wilson and Franklin used the money for personal travel and gifts and submitted false documentation. The agency says Wilson and Franklin overstated travel expenses and sometimes double-charged the housing authority, including for hotel stays in Las Vegas.

Cairo was at one time a flourishing city. Built at the meeting place of the Ohio and Mississippi rivers. Not 30 miles away the Tennessee empties into the Ohio. This is a real strategic point for transporting goods across the water. Cairo was also chosen to be one of several locations in the US to have a US Customs building to deal with international imports coming up the Mississippi river. The building is still there today. Cairo is also the location of Fort Defiance, the fort that General U. Grant built in 1860 during the Civil War. Unfortunately, his encroachment on the city forced a lot of trade to move to Chicago and it never returned after the war. You might think that the railroad drove the steamboats out of business and that might have had something to do with the decay of Cairo but not so much. The railroad came straight to Cairo. Cairo, now a city of about 3,000 people at one time had 15,000 citizens. One of the bigger reasons people can point to for the loss of Cairo are the race riots in the 1960s. Ironic, since Cairo was also an important location for the underground railroad and freeing slaves. 

In 1967, Robert Hunt, a 19-year-old black soldier, took a leave and returned to his home in Cairo. On July 15, he was found hanged in the Cairo police station. City officials called it suicide. But protesters took to the streets and the subsequent riots lasted three days. Cairo's black community then organized a battle for economic and social justice that spanned seven years.~~Gary Hart

http://www.lib.niu.edu/1997/ii970228.html

It's really a complicated story, Cairo, Illinois one that is told on many pages on the Internet so I won't retell it all here. If you have time, this story is the most elaborate and detailed: https://www.legendsofamerica.com/il-cairo5.html

My point here is to give an example, one that can't be refuted or ignored, to those who are always harping that the poor have choices and are able to dig themselves out, but they don't want to. This is simply not the case in Cairo. Poverty is never simple, it's never cut and dried, it's never black or white. A solution is not one that will fit all people in the face of poverty because not all people who are poor have the same brick walls to hurdle. Cairo, Illinois is a place where the people who live there are rarely going to have a way of seeing a light, a truth, a saving grace and I for one intend to pray for them, not put them down for not trying hard enough.

Experience

“Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.” (Will Rogers ).

Experience is going through a number of choices and seeing those choices to their consequences. After awhile your choices (or judgments) are no longer choices but your way of life, experiences telling you the right way to live. At about age 40, I realized that not every person in American can make a million dollars by the time they are 30 and when I let that foolish notion go, that was when I realized the true nature of humanity. I know now what to do with my life and it’s quite a bit different than when I was a child or a young adult. I choose to let go of the notion that I must make the most amount of money possible and instead try to share what I have with others who can benefit from it.

I fully believe that humanity became fittest and smartest in the circle of life by sharing the work with all tribal members as best as each task fit each member and by sharing the food with all tribal members equally. Humanity continued to progress and became the true keepers of the planet by following this plan. Anthropologists document this and I think if one looks deep inside one’s own heart, that truth feels right.

It’s when we started the “every man for himself” attitudes, when we got the “he who has the most gold wins” attitude that we started to fall apart. I suddenly noticed that quite a few people at the top were amassing great fortunes but were not giving back in kind to their fellow humans. They were “dying with the most toys” but that is not winning. We all know they can’t take those toys with them. I suddenly realize there is no important reason to make a million dollars by the time you are 30.

For me at this time, I need to let go of things that no longer matter. It is not even a question of needing to let go, it comes as naturally as breathing. I no longer set a goal for a new car, just a car that runs and is efficient on mileage (after all we all have to do our part to reduce our dependency on oil). This helps reduce the number of cars that are sent to the junk yards. I no longer set a goal on owning the latest fashions instead I shop at a Goodwill retail store. This helps reduce the amount of cast off clothing that winds up in the dumps. When I need to do repairs on my house, I go to the Habitat for Humanity Re-Store. Habitat for Humanity is an organization that helps the less fortunate own their own homes. They work with donated materials. The leftover (and other) donated materials are then sold at the “re-store”. There I can find extremely affordable household repair resources, such as molding for my walls, or carpet pieces to turn into rugs; leftovers from other completed construction of homes. It’s not all about saving money it’s also about respecting earth. It’s about not leaving behind a mess for my children to clean up.

When I see a person, who needs another 6 cents to pay for their groceries, I step up and pay it. When I know a person has looked for a job for 2 and half years and still has not found one, I don’t judge them I just help them as best as I can. I offer rides to job fairs or if I’m available will give rides to those who need to make it to a job interview. I donate some of my career clothing so that others can also look professional at interviews.

I don’t look at people and wonder how much money they have in their bank accounts when I see how they are dressed, or where they work. I just don’t care – that is not what is important. It’s not about whether a person is better or worse than me, it’s about being the best person I can be without checking to see if anyone is watching me.

In other words, I think the gifts I have to offer are simply; use less and only take what I need. Help, pitch in, whenever I can without questioning the other person’s motives or my own motives. I have discovered it is about conquest, all right, but not conquering a mountain of money, rather conquering the need to win. It’s about taking only what you need and giving when others need. I win when I give it away and not when I take it all. To quote once again, “Live simply that others may simply live.” (Mahatma Gandhi). This style of living has become what I want to do with my life.

This is Brig. General Tilghman of the Confederate army. Yes, that one. Very imposing statue. Right about a block from me on a large round-about or a small round park (you pick), Fountain Avenue. It's lovely in that area (not the statue, the area). The statue really neither adds nor takes away from it. There have been some talk now in Paducah about removing him - I think there is more than one statue and changing the name of the high school, also named after him. When this business of bringing down statutes that were offensive first started happening, at first I was heartbroken. I am a lover of history, albeit ancient history. I love old things, retro things, and doing it old style. But I also believe history is important - we can't forget it - or we are doomed to repeat it. And seems to prove itself out - over and over again.

But I started reading some other opinions, yep, everyone has them...and reflected on them. There is a lot of emotion involved in this issue. So many people take it as a personal affront that anyone would want to take away this part of their history. I get that - but I think what I really see are people who simply are unwilling to consider change or think about change. This is because of the reason proposed for the change. What if, we were to go to city council and say, we'd like to remove that statue of that guy (does anyone even remember who he is?) put him in a nice museum where he belongs and replace him with a statue of  Dakota Louis Meyer, a Marine Corp veteran in Afghanistan and Medal of Honor recipient or Cassius Clay, better known as Muhammad Ali (although I'm not sure what he did for humanity - he is still a great man that kids can look up to as a hero - much preferred than say RKelly). Both suggestions are from Kentucky and there are plenty more in the last century.

I tried to put myself in the shoes of those who are offended by this statue. In order to do that, I needed to think of something that could happen to me that would so greatly impact me that my life would change for the worse. That was easy but it would involve a crime, rape. That is one crime that would take away my rights, make me feel out of control, and never feel safe again. And I thought what if there was a statue of this person up there on Fountain Avenue? After all, since 1863 it has been illegal to enslave humans. Therefore, General Tilghman is a criminal in this day and age and in the eyes of those who are still feeling the impact of slavery, or rather racial discrimination, for that is what slavery really was, white people looking at black people and believing them to be inferior enough that the white people thought nothing of taking away their civil, human, and basic rights. So I think I could relate to the feeling of utter disrespect I would feel coming from those who think the statue should stay.

As a white person, I get to hear, all too often comments by other whites who are completely baffled by the blacks who are resentful about slavery. They say things like, "get over it, slavery happened a long time ago" or "I wasn't the one who enslaved your relatives" and other careless thoughtless comments. It's obvious they have no clue what the resentment is all about. It's not really about slavery. It's about the fact that it ever happened - and the aftermath. Let's face it - whites still treat blacks despicably if given a chance to get away with it. I worked in Milwaukee Public Schools - and could see evidence of discrimination everywhere - and then hear: "why don't these black people pick themselves up and fix their lives instead of living on handouts?" Because they know no other life - they have been repressed and enclosed in a small area of Milwaukee and have been denied housing in other parts of the city either because it's too expensive or simply because they are black, although of course that is not the reason given. They are denied good jobs because they don't have transportation to where the good jobs are and don't have the money to get transportation, or they don't have the education, or let's face it simply because they are black. And education? It's not that it's not out there, it's that culturally they've grown up in this environment of lackluster care, no ambition, no desire. To say education is going to help them is ridiculous, they know better. It will not make a difference most of the time, so why bother? It's a terrible wicked catch-22 and most people can't understand it because they don't live in it. You absolutely have to live in someone's shoes before you can truly understand.

So bringing this back around full circle to the statues, when a certain group of people say that a statue offends them, and they can produce valid evidence that the person the statue represents was at one time an oppressor of their families, a person who practiced slavery or promoted it, do we really want to say to them, "tough luck it's history, we are keeping it?" What does that answer, alone, say? It says we still do not respect who they are. Somehow, I can't help but think that if we put up no fuss what so ever - and take down the statues (and put them where they belong, in a museum) and replace them with more current hero's - that more than likely the fuss would blow over before it barely started. It's all the fussing and fighting over these issues that make them worse, that blow them up, and become a sickness that spreads across our nation. We feed the media the sensations and the media feeds it back to us - starved for more sensation. What ever happened to compromise and respect? We need to learn to let this go - these statues are indeed history. But why are these so special that they must stay up at all costs? Why not pull them down? They can always be placed in other non-offensive locations for history. There are plenty of other people who deserve the same honor. So we could easily be taking care of two problems - giving respect to newer heros and giving respect to people who deserve it - and haven't yet truly received it.

A review: Is Genesis History?

I am happy that I watched the movie Is Genesis History? Watching it has helped me strengthen my ability to have faith in God. This is the third significant time I went into an experience expecting to have my faith completely shaped away and instead found it more strengthened. I am, in a sometimes good way, a serious doubter of all things not proven. That’s great when it comes to sussing out scams not so great when it comes to giving control over my soul to complete faith in God.  I openly admit that.

I went to this movie expecting to see silly examples, or hysterical insistence, and no effort to prove it and came away with complete respect and admiration for the method used to raise doubt in anyone’s mind. At one point, one of the scientists, a geologist, is explaining how the current method of dating of the rocks is misconstrued and misunderstood by many scientist. It’s ironic that when I search the Internet – the scientist who still believe in the debunked method (in this movie) of dating rocks deny that the number of scientists who no longer give credence as “insignificant numbers” yet they do not produce names or numbers.

Much of the evidence is based on “the Flood”. At the beginning of the movie, the narrator stands in a deep canyon, with a small stream, and says science tells us that it took thousands of years for the stream to carve the canyon, and the plants to take up life there. And yet this is not true, the canyon was created as recently as the 1980’s, for those of you old enough to remember Mt. St. Helen’s eruption – this particular canyon was created by that volcanic occurrence. It’s a stunning way to start the movie.

Years, ago, I remember watching another movie about creation versus evolution. At that time I must not have paid enough attention because I was not fully convinced. But one of the things that stuck with me from that documentary was looking at the excavation of a bed of dinosaur fossils. All of the dinosaurs appeared to have died while swimming. These were not the sea faring dinosaurs. In Is Genesis History movie, they showed plenty of evidence to give even the most hard core evolutionist reason to doubt. The type of fossils found, the arrangement of the fossils, the locations, and the amount. After this segment of the movie, if you don’t doubt, then you were not listening. The key again is the great Flood. In the Grand Canyon, the lowest layer with the great unconformity, the various layers with the sea animals, and dinosaurs, the measureable ocean waves, and through it all the impossibility of each layer just randomly forming with all the fossils. Evolutionist would have us believe that it was just random. The geologist that explained in this movie, discussed how the sizes of the layers formed and under what conditions. These were not random conclusions – the evidence he presented was overwhelming.

A conversation with a biologist brought up something that has always had me doubting evolution. That is how could every living thing in its complexity evolve from the same cell? It’s like putting a bunch of code words in a computer and expecting the words to just randomly organize itself in this complex artificial intelligence; cannot be done. The amount of time it would take for a sea animal to develop appropriate lungs to live on land – is preposterous enough to give doubt as to why would the animal keep trying? And how is it possible the animal survived during transition? Sure, there have been evolutionary changes in each genus or species but the dramatic changes suggested by Darwin and evolution would suggest finding the missing link in all the various classes or kingdoms. Not only has the missing link never been found for humans there are none for any of the other classes. Not popularly talked about is that Darwin was proven by modern scientist to be wrong on much of his theories. He was right about many things but not in how we evolve. I had learned that myself when taking anthropology classes.

The astronomy portion of the movie was not as heavy hitting as the geological, biological, and anthropological sections but it didn’t support the evolution theory either.

Overall, this was presented as a documentary and not a movie, so I’m sure some people were disappointed. But I, for one, thought it was worth every penny because of the calm, factual presentation they used to show that creation is much easier to believe than evolution. At the end they suggested going to the website for additional information. I agree. Don’t just take their word for it – do your own investigations. I signed up for a study guide and updates. I really want to learn more specific’s so I can have reasonable persuasive debates with evolutionist. It’s the first time I’ve been hard struck with the notion that maybe our children should be learning both sides of the story. After all, science proves over and over again, that science does change. J  And teaching our children that – it is important – to always seek knowledge from all sources – keep up-to-date and keep an open mind before you decide. For me, I no longer have doubts. God is my creator. 

Unfinished Business, an Unfinished Life

I think from the picture you will know somewhat about the topic of this particular post. But it's going to be so much more than that. I have a lot I need to "spew" today.

Yesterday, I went to church for the first time in about 3 weeks. Yep, I've been attending church quite regularly since I moved to Kentucky. It's wonderful. I have found a family of caring people. I am sure it helps that my real family is there, too. It always helps to have family, if they love you, of course. It's one of the real things I missed about moving so much in the military and my entire adult life. On the one hand, moving gave me a much bigger perspective on the human condition and motivation, on the other hand, I lost my closest support system. At the time, it was what I thought I wanted. Who knew...?

In the sermon given, the topic was not at all about suicide yet, the one verse that was part of the sermon jumped up and grabbed me. It was:

26 Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose. 27 The jailer woke up, and when he saw the prison doors open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself because he thought the prisoners had escaped. 28 But Paul shouted, “Don’t harm yourself! We are all here!” Acts 16 (NIV)

This particular chapter and verse of the Bible was not at all about suicide. Please read it all to get the true story. I am not attempting to take it out of context - simply giving you context to my own personal revelation. The jailer knew that if the prisoners escaped he would be held responsible for such an act of complete irresponsibility and be shamed and executed. Paul, knowing this also, stopped him, before he could do this vile act - and told him that they had not escaped that they were still there. The lights came on and the jailer saw that it was true - and he immediately asked what he needed to do to become a christian. The rest, as they say, is history. Paul and Silas, while praying to God in love and concern, not only saved the prisoners, but helped saved the jailer. This is where I got completely hung up. The message of this particular chapter was a bit different but I dwelled on this for the rest of the morning. Afterwards, I went to our preacher and asked him why he picked this particular chapter this morning. At first, he said he wanted to give a message of hope about being baptised and saved - but I said, no, no, I meant, in this particular case, the jailer was about to commit suicide and I wonder if there was something about *that* and he realized where I was going with it. I told him, that I felt that I had failed my own duty to stop someone very special and dear to me. That I did not cry out "Don't harm yourself! We are all here!" because it was this very thing was what I thought should have been said to my lost young soldier, my daughter's lost sweetheart, the deep thinking, sharp young man she wanted to marry. The brave soldier who carried demons inside about many things but especially about his tours of duty in Afghanistan. He was trained as a mechanic on Bradley tanks, but served as a minesweeper scout in the Persian gulf war(s). I could go on and on about him but this post is really about what I could have done and why we (especially me) probably failed. Maybe there is no right answer but I want to dedicate the rest of my life to finding the right answers. I may stumble, fall, and fail over and over again, but if I can reach just one, I feel that it will be worth it to keep trying.

I had a strange dream last night, and honestly I no longer recall much of it any longer, but it clarified a few things for me this morning. One of the things, that I go through, that I think many of the 22 daily go through, along with the horrors of war, is that we entered into the service, we were broken down, made blank, and then we were formed as a member of a special team. This team we formed was one where we would always have each other's back. We called it covering your 6, think about a clock - and where the number 6 would fall if the number 12 were the front of you.

And it was the breaking down, and cleansing, and forming a team that strived for perfection, because only perfection will save lives, that was so perfectly instilled in us; that makes us, former military, so hard to get along with in the civilian world. This training, and our constant employment of the training at our missions, makes it all the more disappointing to veterans in the civilian world. We get out from our service, newly awash with enthusiasm, that we can do anything!!! That, along with teamwork and a lot of good old fashioned elbow grease. And we then...find out, our new civilian employers don't bother to train us, but hold us responsible if mistakes are made, don't make documentation but expect us to know the rules, ask us to act as a team but then throw us under the bus, or sell us out to the other side, fire us if we appear to threaten their positions, rather than promote us for doing a good job. Veterans find our government not only doesn't care about us, but spend much money on warfare but make more laws to take away benefits we were promised when we enlisted. The very same enlistment where we made an oath with the government and the American people: 

I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God.

For many of us, the oath never ended. But when the government, the politicians began to turn us away, began to deny us the benefits, that we were promised, when the civilian sector refused to acknowledge the training we received, we began to falter, to lose confidence, to wonder why, we ever served in the first place. And we sometimes even cry out for help, to the VA Hospitals, only to find they are more concerned with scheduling, and vacations, and internal promotions, and CYA, and we try to show our pride, with flags and are told our neighborhoods don't want the flags, don't want our service, and we began to try to hide the demons, because it appears that the demons are for us and us alone...

I am missing my transition right here - the one that will tie the above to the conclusion. I will never, in a hundred years, be able to write enough to clarify what the problem really is or which solution is really right - but for me - I believe I have found my problem and I have a new solution I am going to try.

This is probably one of the more rambling blogs I'll ever write - I needed to get some things off my chest - but here are some of my conclusions.

1. We don't love each other enough - we seem to only care about getting more than the other person.
2. The government is our own worst enemy, not ISIS or ISS or NAZI's or Communism or Socialism or illegal immigrants, even.

I pledge to show my love more and openly - I don't care if it labels me a "tree-hugging liberal" if people want to label me as such - they are part of the problem - not the solution. I'm not even sure I know what a liberal is - I only know that if I am one - I am a hated individual. If I become hated for loving people, well, then I think I've done my job. And I hope I can persuade those of you who wonder where or if they've failed, too, to help others by openly showing love and more importantly compassion, then I know my solution has worked.